Randomness Prevails
by chibs3000
Summary: Need I say more? It's all random! If your in the mood for complete humor and randomness, then search no more! This fanfic will include Harry Potter, Final Fantasy, Lord of the Rings, Full Metal Alchemist, and more!
1. Chapter 1

The Terribly Terrible Beginning That Really Doesn't Deserve a Real Title:

Setting: Hogwarts (in Prof. Snape's room)

Harry: I hate this class.

Hermoine: I do too.

Ron: I love this class! -gets pelted with cauldrons-

Snape: -ish in love with Ron- GOOD JOB, Ro-er- MR.WEASLEY! -throws cauldron at Malfoy-

Malfoy: WHAT THE F-?

Everyone in class: -GASP!-

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Everyone in class: Yes, Professor Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Yes. Now...WHERE THE $ DID MY LEMON DROPS GO! -runs out of the room-

_-There's a big blast and, suddenly, the cast of FFX appears in the middle of the room.-_

Seamus: GREAT EFFECTS!

Everyone in room: -claps-

Malfoy: That's so stupid. -gets pelted with cauldrons-

Tidus: No! Don't look at me! -hides behind Yuna-

Yuna: HE'S TOO PRETTY FOR THE LIKES OF YOU! -throws cauldron on Tidus' head- See- now you can't see him!

Auron: You- boy- -points at Harry- Where are we?

Hermoine: DON'T YOU POINT A FINGER AT HARRY! -throws students aside and dives at Auron- AVADA KADAVRA!

Auron: Stupid girl, I'm already dead! -evil laugh- -lightning flashes in background-

Tidus: -pulls cauldron off head- MY HAIR! S--!

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Tidus: -ish ashamed- Yes sir...

Dumbledore: Now...-pulls out gun- WHO THE #$ TOOK MY LEMON DROPS! -shoots around like crazy, then runs off-

Snape: YOU! BOY WITH THE HAIR! YOU ARE DISRUPTING MY CLASS!

Yuna: DON'T TALK TO TIDUS' HAIR THAT WAY! -dives at Snape-

Harry: -stands up and is surrounded by holy aura- Don't worry Snape, I'll save you! I am, of course, THE HERO!

Tidus: WHAT! No, I'M THE HERO! -holy aura shines-

Hermoine: -hugs Harry- No, Harry is soooooo much better!

Yuna: -runs up and hugs Tidus- No, Tidus is soooooo much better!

Wakka: NO! I'M SOOOO MUCH BETTER!

Everyone in room: -blink-

Harry: Who're you?

Ron: -ish eating lemon drops- What an idiot.

Malfoy: -ish eating lemon drops- You're stupid! -throws lemon drop at Wakka-

Dumbledore: -runs in- YOU! -points gun at Wakka- YOU TOOK MY LEMON DROPS! -ish not noticing the bag of lemon drops in Ron's hands- -dives at Wakka-

Wakka: LULU, SAVE ME!

Lulu: -ish playing cards with Rikku, Kimahri, Auron, and Seymour- Yeah, yeah, whatever...Go fish...

Wakka: -screams like a girl-

Dumbledore: -drags Wakka out of the room-

Seamus: YEAH! A REVOLT! -follows-

Tidus: -turns to the rest of the room- So, guys, who do you think is more SEXY!

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Tidus: -blink- Umm...I didn't curse...

Dumbledore: ...-runs back out-

Hermoine: I think Harry is MUCH sexier!

Yuna: I think Tidus is MUCH sexier!

Suddenly Buckbeak runs in-

Buckbeak: NO, I'M SEXIER! -strikes pose-

Ron: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S...BUCKBEAK! -faints-

Malfoy: I hate you, Buckbeak.

Buckbeak: YOU! MINION! GET ME A DEAD FERRET!

Malfoy: -ish in trance- Yes, Master! -runs off-

Seymour: -gasp- It's a big furry bird!

Ron: -ish now awake and ish watching PBS- NO! BIG BIRD IS BETTER! -points at screen where Seasame Street is playing-

Buckbeak: -shakes head- No, MINION! I used to be a bird...but then...-looks off into the distance- I was gifted...with this...er...gift!

Everyone in room: -blink- -awkward silence-

Buckbeak: DON'T YOU GET IT! NOW, I'M SEXY!

Everyone in room: -applauds-

Fred & George: BUCKBEAK, OUR MASTER! -runs over- WE WILL FOLLOW YOU WHEREVER YOU GO!

Buckbeak: Good, MINIONS! Now go! And fire that blonde kid for not bringing the dead ferrets!

Fred & George: Yes, Master! -runs off-

Everyone: Look, how Buckbeak commands them! -ish in awe-

Harry: I bet I could command them better!

Hermoine: Quiet, Harry! Buckbeak is soooooooo much better! -hugs Buckbeak-

Ron: Mm...lemon drops!

Yuna: BUCKBEAK! -waves pom-poms- -hugs Buckbeak-

Harry & Tidus: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! -blink- Oh well. -they turn and start square-dancing-

So...should I continue this or not? -snik snik- I THINK I SHOULD! OH, THE RANDOMNESS! And Buckbeak is sexier than Tidus. -huggles Buckbeak- Lol...Dumbledore has a wild streak, doesn't he? Lol...just had to put the lemon drops in there!


	2. Chapter 2

The Secondly...Chapter Thingy...Whatever..:

Setting: Hogwarts (in Prof. Dumbledore's office)

Cast of HP & of FFX are here

Dumbledore: You all know why I have called you here.

Tidus: Uhh...no we don't.

Dumbledore: QUIET, YOU! -sniff- It seems as though...MY LEMON DROPS HAVE BEEN STOLEN!

Malfoy: -ish eating lemon drops- Umm...heh heh...

Dumbledore: And I know it MUST BE ONE OF YOU! -glare glare-

Buckbeak: I feel pretty!

Dumbledore: So come out and show yourselves!

Buckbeak: Oh, so pretty!

Dumbledore: THE CULPRIT WILL BE FOUND!

Buckbeak: So pretty, and witty...and...GAY!

Dumbledore: -starts sobbing-

Harry: Don't worry, Headmaster! I'll find your lemon drops! I am, of course, THE HERO! -holy aura shines-

Hermoine & Ron: -ish in trance- Harry's MY HERO!

Buckbeak: -ish singing- You may hate me, but it ain't no lie! BYE BYE BYE! -does a complicated break dance manuver-

Seamus: WHAT STYLE!

Everyone in room: -applauds for Buckbeak-

Dumbledore: Now, BACK TO IMPORTANT THINGS! MY LEMON DROPS!

A light shines on Wakka, who is sitting in a chair-

Dumbledore: Now tell me...WHERE ARE THEY!

Wakka: I DON'T KNOW! -sobsob-

Malfoy: What an idiot. -throws a lemon drop at Wakka-

Dumbledore: AH! A CLUE! LOOK AT THIS- A LEMON DROP ON HIS SHIRT! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!

Wakka: LULU, SAVE ME!

Lulu: -blink-

Fred & George: -runs into the room and up to Buckbeak- Master- here is your dead ferret! -holds up dead ferret-

Buckbeak: YOU? WHO ARE YOU! STALKER! -slaps Fred & George-

Hermoine: DON'T YOU STALK BUCKBEAK WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST! -dives at Fred & George-

Ron: HERMOINE! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Hermoine: -runs over- NO! I DON'T LOVE ANY OF YOU!

Harry: -faints in horror-

Hermoine: I LOVE...

door swings open-

Hermoine: SEYMOUR! -hugs Seymour-

Seymour: Yes! And now...WE ELOPE!

Hermoine and Seymour run off-

Ron: Soo...what now?

Malfoy: I LOVE YOU RON! -gives Ron lemon drops-

Ron: -gasp- I'm sorry...I CAN'T! -throws lemon drops away-

Malfoy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ron: I love...

door swings open-

Ron: BRITNEY SPEARS!

Britney: Umm...I'm married... -blink-

Ron: Britney...WILL YOU MARRY ME, EVEN THOUGH YOUR ALREADY MARRIED?

Britney: YES, RONALD, I WILL! -throws off old wedding ring-

Ron: AND NOW...WE ELOPE!

Ron & Britney: -run off-

Lupin: -appears in room and turns into a werewolf-

Buckbeak: Oh it's you...Hey, I KICKED YOUR A-- IN THE THIRD MOVIE!

Dumbledore: -runs over- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Buckbeak: -nodnod-

Lupin: FEAR ME, SIR! -dives at Tidus-

Tidus: -screams like a girl- YUNA, SAVE MEEEEEEEEE!

Yuna: -has eloped with Auron-

Tidus: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Buckbeak: -sings- LET IT BURN!

Lulu: DON'T YOU SING USHER SONGS WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST! -dives at Buckbeak-

Dumbledore: NO! WE ARE OFF FOCUS! MY LEMON DROPS!

Malfoy: Okay, OKAY! I DID IT!

Everyone in room: -gasp-

Malfoy is carried away by police-

Malfoy: AND I WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO! IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU MEDDLING KIDS! AND THAT STUPID BIRD!

Buckbeak: Yes, but I'm a PRETTY BIRD!

Everyone: -nodnod-

Tidus: Well said, Buckbeak! -gives Buckbeak a Beaktreat-

Everyone: -cheesy laugh-

_Thanks to all who reviewed! I enjoy reading your feedback and I love that people want me to continue this! Well...I want to continue this too...so if you don't like this fanfic, TOO BAD: ) Also, if you have any totally random ideas for my fanfic (I will credit you, don't worry..) then e-mail me about it! Right now I already have a good 5 more chapters already written. It's all about me and my laziness...heh..._


	3. Chapter 3

The Terribly Terrible Third Chapter...that comes after the second one...

Setting: In the middle of the ocean- on a ship.

(Cast of HP & FFX are here)

Buckbeak: -cries- I'M SCARED! I CAN'T SWIM!

Ron: -ish with Britney Spears- You can fly...

Britney: ISN'T HE JUST SOOOOOOOOO SMART! -hugs Ron-

Hermoine: SEYMOUR IS BETTER! -sticks out tongue-

Seymour: -nod nod-

Buckbeak: -ish seasick-

Sirius Black appears in the water-

Sirius: CHEESE! -tap dances on the water-

Harry: SIRIUS! YOUR ALIVE! -tries to hug Sirius but falls in water-

Jaws music plays-

Harry: No...NOOOOOOOOOO! -ish pulled under water-

Sirius: -points and laughs- WHAT AN IDIOT!

Tidus: Isn't that violence?

Yuna: -nod nod- THIS IS RATED R!

Malfoy: -covers eyes- OH, THE HORROR!

Ron: I WANNA DIE TOO! -jumps into water-

Sirius: -blink- Your so stupid.

Jaws music plays-

Ron: -ish pulled under water- YEAH!

Britney: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -blink- Okay, I'm over it. -jumps off & swims away-

Buckbeak: -sings- AND SHE...er...AND _HE _WILL BE LOVED!

Everyone: -mourns the loss-

Malfoy: This is stupid.

Yuna: Your so negative! -slaps Malfoy-

Boat Tips over-

Jaws music plays-

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sirius: -points and laughs-


	4. Chapter 4

The Search for the Ring Commences in the Totally Random Fourth Chapter...

Setting: Middle Earth

(Cast of FFX and HP are here. And Everyone is alive (dangit!))

Harry: Where are we?

Hermoine: STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS! -hits Harry with cauldron-

Buckbeak: -gasp- Look...coming toward us!

_**The Cast of LOTR (Lord of the Rings) appears**_

Legolas: I'm so pretty!

Buckbeak: NO, I'M PRETTY!

-Legolas & Buckbeak get in a fight-

Aragorn: I'll save you, Legolas! I am, of course, THE HERO!

Harry: -glare-

Tidus: -glare-

Frodo: -ish melting- NOOOOOOOOOOO! THE RING!

Sam: MR.FRODO!

Frodo: SAM!

Sam: MR.FRODO!

Frodo: OH, SAM!

Sam: WHO'S YOUR HOBBIT, MR.FRODO? WHO'S YOUR HOBBIT!

Frodo: SAM!

-Frodo melts-

Sam: NOOOOOOO! IT'S NOT WORTH LIVING ANYMORE! -dies-

Tidus: That made no sense.

Pippin & Merry: Buckbeak! WE WILL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU...er...DIE!

Buckbeak: WHAT? DIE? I WON'T ALLOW IT! -attacks Pippin & Merry-

Aragorn: We have no time for this! The ring must be destroyed!

Ron: -looks at the remains of Frodo- Umm...it's sort of already destroyed.

Aragorn: -blink- Oh...I never did like that kid...

Legolas: -big sigh-

Gandalf: -pops out of nowhere- LISTEN! THE RING CALLS TO US!

-Orcs appear-

Harry: Uhh...

Buckbeak: WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Legolas: YEAH!

Everyone: -dies-


	5. Chapter 5

The Blond Guy with the Auto-Mail Arm Who Keeps Looking Beyond in this Random Fifth Chapter...

Setting: Hogwarts (Divination Room)

(Cast of HP and Full Metal Alchemist are here...and everyone is alive...so far...)

Harry: YOU MUST LOOK...**_BEYOND!_**

Edward: -looks 'beyond'-

Alphonse: LOOK, BROTHER! IT'S _BUCKBEAK!_

Random Person: ANOTHER MIRACLE!

Buckbeak: -sings- WHERE IS THE LOOOOOVE?

Hermoine: Ummm...beyond?

Edward: -looks 'beyond'- ...there's nothing there...

Ron: THAT RHYMED!

Everyone: -awkward silence-

Malfoy: -pokes everyone in the room-

Cornello: YOU'VE FALLEN OUT OF THE SUN GOD'S FAVOR! -nodnod- YOU MUST NOT SIN! MURDER, LYING...IT'S ALL WRONG!

-nodnod- ...SINNERS! -pulls out machine gun-

Draco: WHAT THE F---!

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Cornello: -shifty eyes-

Edward: -squint- I think...I think I see something!

-Light shines down on Edward-

Harry: Uhhhh...

Cornello: -shifty eyes-

Alphonse: -glomps Buckbeak-

Gluttony: -eats Buckbeak & Alphonse-

Everyone: -GASP-

Edward: OO

Gluttony: -shifty eyes-

Cornello: -inches away-

Gluttony: FEAR ME, SIR! -eats Cornello-

Edward: OO

Harry: -pokes everyone in the room-

Gluttony: -eats Harry-

Hermoine: YES, FINALLY! -light shines down-

Edward: OO

Gluttony: -starts toward Edward-

Edward: -ponders his situation- THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I CAN DO! -pulls out spatula-

Gluttony: NOOOOOOOOOO! -throws up Cornello, Alphonse, Harry, and Buckbeak-

Edward: FEAR THE SPATULA!

Gluttony: I'M MELTING! -melts-

Alphonse: Look, Brother! He's melting!

Cornello: -eats Gluttony-slime-

Everyone: OO

Buckbeak: -sings- THIS IS WHAT DREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAMSSSS ARE MADE OF!

Harry: -joins Buckbeak in another random song-

Buckbeak & Harry: -sings- I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS...

Cornello: -shifty eyes-

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Cornello: -gives Dumbledore some Gluttony-slime-

Dumbledore: YES! NOW MY COLLECTION IS COMPLETE! -runs off-

Edward: -looks 'beyond'-

Alphonse: -ish rusting- ...BROTHER!

-Dramatic moment between the two brothers-

Edward: Okay, now I'm over it...-runs off to find 'beyond'-

Alphonse: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -melts-

Cornello: -shifty eyes- -walks toward Alphonse-slime-

Dumbledore: -runs in- DIE! -kills Cornello with random lemon drop-

Cornello: -dies-

Dumbledore: -collects Alphonse-slime in bottle- -shifty eyes- -runs away-

Everyone: OO

Buckbeak & Harry: -sings- URRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN TIPSY!

Hermoine: -slaps Harry-

-Just then, Chibs (the author) and Misoka (the author's sister) runs in-

Chibs: -glomps Ron-

Ron: -has just walked into the room- OO

Misoka: -shifty eyes- -glomps Edward-

Buckbeak: -sings- I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Chibs: RON, MY LOVE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

Ron: Uhh...beyond?

Edward & Misoka: -looks beyond-

Edward: -grr- MY 'BEYOND'! -runs off to claim 'beyond'-

Misoka: OO

Ron: -runs off-

Chibs: -blink- Oh well. -square-dances with leftover Alphonse-slime-


	6. Chapter 6

The Sixth Title...Wait...That didn't come out right...

Setting: Middle Earth

(Cast of HP and LOTR are here.)

Aragorn: It's you guys again!

Cast of HP: ...yeahhh...

Eowyn: -runs up to Aragorn- ARAGORN, MY LOVE -twitch- DRINK THIS... -holds up cup-

Aragorn: I dunno...

Buckbeak: -sings- CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE, TONIGHT!

Aragorn: NO! I LOVE ARWEN! ... But I am thirsty... -grabs cup and drinks-

Eowyn: YES! -twitch- DIE, ARAGORN!

Aragorn: -ish perfectly fine-

Harry: -cracks up- IDIOT, YOU FORGOT THE POISON!

Ron: -drinks from random cup- ... -dies-

Draco: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, RON, MY LOVE! -gets hit by random lightning bolt and dies-

Everyone: Ooookay...

Legolas: I never did like that kid...I COULD SEE IT IN HIS EYES!

Buckbeak: See what...?

Legolas: HE WANTED MY HAIR! -sob- -runs off-

Everyone: Ooookay...

Draco: -randomly comes back to life- ...He's right...I was jealous...

Harry: YOU FIEND!

Hermoine: -faints-

Gandalf: HOW DARE YOU WANT LEGOLAS' HAIR WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST!

Draco: And who are you..?

Gandalf: In truth...the Fellowship is actually NOT a Fellowship...We are truly not after the ring.

Harry: What do you mean, Gandalf?

Gandalf: Aragorn, Pippin, Merry, Gimli and I...we are part of the LHW Society.

Cast of HP: Uhhh...?

Fellowship: THE LEGOLAS HAIR WORSHIPPER'S SOCIETY!

Cast of HP: OH!

Harry: But what about Sam and Frodo?

Pippin: They died.

Merry: Tragically.

Gimli: Uhh... -hides shotgun-

Everyone: ...

Ron: -randomly comes back to life- ANYWAYS, -has tears in eyes- Gandalf...may I join...please?

Harry: Yes! WE WANT TO JOIN!

Draco: ..We do?

Hermoine: WHO ASKED YOU, HATER! -pushes Draco off cliff-

Draco: -ish falling- FINE! BUT I WILL BE BACK! _LEGOLAS' HAIR WILL BE MINE!_

Aragorn: -gasp- That was a threat!

Everyone: -nodnod-

Gandalf: -thinks-

Aragorn: OMIGOSH, GANDALF IS THINKING!

Pippin: Wow! That's-

Merry: -A miracle!

Hermoine: Riiiight...

Gandalf: -head hurts- Alright, I've thought enough. I've decided you all can join- meet us at Minas Tirith in one hour. DON'T BE LATE!

Cast of HP (except Draco): -nodnod-

_**TO BE CONTINUED...**_

_((Legolas: I'M PRETTY!))_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven...or is it..?

(Cast of HP, LOTR, FFX, and FMA are here)

Harry: Hello? HELLO! Is this thing on..?

_-All people currently reading this frown and stare at the screen-_

Harry: Ahem- Yes. This story has been delayed...because...you see, the author is a little busy at the moment...

Chibs (_the author_): IDIOT!

Harry: ...heh...

Chibs: -ish locked in a closet-

Hermoine: -nodnod- You see, we have decided toWRITE OUR OWN chapter! Chibs has done nothing but degrade us!

Ron: YEAH! And if I knew what degrade meant, I would be even more enthusiastic!

Draco: AHEM- Yes. Chibs had to be stopped.

Chibs: YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT ME! _NOTHING!_

Tidus: LIAR! -sob-

Yuna: -pats Tidus' hand-

Gandalf: And what is this nonsense? _Worshipping_ Legolas' hair? Really.

Edward: And looking 'beyond'? -shakes head in dismay-

Alphonse: -sobsob- AM I REALLY THAT STUPID, BROTHER!

Edward: ...

Chibs: GET OVER IT! -growl- LEMME OUT!

Auron: -whisper- Did she just growl?

Remus Lupin: -growl-

Everyone: Riight...

Draco: Soo...all of you...what do you suggest we do?

Cornello: -nodnod- We should DISPOSE of her!

Ron: Uhh... -looks up 'dispose' in dictionary-

Tidus: AHHH! BIG WORD! -scream-

Everyone: -looks to Ron-

Ron: Ahem. Dispose: make willing: to make somebody willing or receptive to something...?

Cornello: No, no- try looking up 'dispose of' The third definition.

Ron: -searchsearch- Aha! Okay, Dispose of: kill: to kill a person or animal.

Everyone: Oh!

Pippin: So, would you call Chibs a-

Merry: -person, or an animal?

Chibs: DIE! I'M A HUMAN YOU MUTANTS!

Ron: NOOOO! ANOTHER BIG WORD! -searches dictionary-

Edward: Alright, that's settled, but _how_ do we 'dispose of' her?

Aragorn: Her? You mean,_ it_.

Chibs: I HAVE A GENDER, FREAK!

Ron: Ahem! Mutant: something odd-looking: somebody who or something that has a strange appearance, unlike others of a similar type.

Pippin & Merry: -runs off to sob-

Alphonse: Well, _that_ wasn't very nice.

Yuna: You should be nicer!

Edward: Yeah! -uses stick to poke Chibs-

Chibs: OW! -ish angry- Edward, can you say _diminutive_?

Edward: Umm... -looks to Ron-

Ron: -searchsearch-

Gluttony: -raises hand- I KNOW! LET'S EAT IT!

Everyone: HECK NO!

Auron: -glare- We aren't cannibals like you, stupid.

Gluttony: -pout-

Hermoine: Plus, it would taste bad.

Chibs: What!

Ron: FOUND IT! Diminutive: very small or much smaller than is usual

Edward: -ish speechless-

Alphonse: IT'S OKAY, BROTHER! I DON'T THINK YOU'RE DIMINUTIVE!

Edward: I-It called me s-s-short...

Yuna: -pats Edward on the hand-

Edward: THAT'S IT! LET'S TRANSMUTE HER INTO A ROCK!

Ron: Transmute...? -searchsearch-

Everyone else: -nodnod- Good idea, I guess...(transmute?) -looks to Ron-

Ron: -searchsearch- ...AHA! Transmute: change: to change something, or be changed, from one form, nature, substance, or state to another

Everyone: -likes the idea-

Alphonse: B-But...Brother...Can you really do that?

Edward: OF COURSE I CAN! I'M THE FULL METAL ALCHEMIST, AFTER ALL! -strikes pose-

Ron: Hey! WHY ISN'T MY NAME IN THIS STUPID BOOK! -fumefume-

Chibs: -ish bored- That's because it's a dictionary, idiot. Names aren't in there.

Ron: -pout- ...Wait! You're wrong! I found Harry's name!

Harry: Really? What does it say?

Ron: Harry: smallest piglet: the smallest or weakest piglet in a litter.

Everyone: ...

Hermoine: WHAT THE HECK! ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN A PIGLET!

Harry: What! NO! I'M NOT A PIGLET!

Auron: Riiight...

Tidus: He looks like a piglet to me.

Gluttony: Can I eat him?

Chibs: -shifty eyes-

Cornello: I agree. Let's eat the piglet!

Harry: I AM NOT A PIGLET!

Gandalf: Silence, piglet.

Chibs: -quietly escapes-

Harry: N-No...NOOOOOOOOOOO! -blood curdling scream-

Chibs: All's well that ends well! -nodnod-


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight and the LWH Society

(Cast of HP and LOTR are here.)

(Location: Minas Tirith)

Harry: -falls off Minas Tirith-

Cast of HP: Whatever.

_-At the Secret Evil Lair- (SEL)_

Draco: -shifty eyes- This LHW Society...MUST BE STOPPED! -nodnod-

Buckbeak: -shifty eyes- Yes. Legolas' Hair must be ours.

_(The SEL is a evil...people thing. The members are Draco, Buckbeak, 2 stupid Orcs, Already-Dead-Frodo, and Already-Dead-Sam)_

A-D-Frodo: IT'S ALL LEGOLAS' HAIR FAULT THAT I'M DEAD!

A-D-Sam: -comforts Frodo-

Stupid Orc #1: -smilenod-

Stupid Orc #2: -smilenod-

Draco: SILENCE!

-Silence-

Draco: Everyone, listen VERY closely. This is what we'll do...

(At Minas Tirith)

Hermoine: Finally! -breath- We made it to the top!

Cast of HP: -rejoices-

_Deep Voice: Step forward, young ones._

Cast of HP: -steps forward-

_Deep Voice: If you wish to be in the LWH Society, you must first PROVE YOURSELF!_

Cast of HP: -gulp-

_Deep Voice: You must now step forward...and drink the SUPER-DUPER-MAGIC VIAL-OF-ALL-THINGS-DIGITALLY-ENHANCING-ANALOG-CONTROLS! (otherwise known as SDMVOATDEAC)_

-SDMVOATDEAC appears in the middle of the floor-

Hermoine: -leaps forward- I'LL DRINK THE SDMVOATDEAC! -drinks SDMVOATDEAC-

-awkward silence-

Hermoine: -keels over-

_Deep Voice: Good job! Now-_

Ron: WAIT! B-but...Hermoine just died!

_Deep Voice: I never said you HAD to live...I just said you had to drink it. ANYWAY..._

-mirror appears in the middle of the floor-

_Deep Voice: Now...you must stare into...the SUPER-DUPER-MIRROR OF PEACE, LOVE, TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND ALL THINGS DISNEY!_

Cast of HP: -bloodcurdling scream-

_Deep Voice: Now...who will look into the SDMOPLTJAATD!_

Lupin: I suppose I will...-steps forward and looks into the SDMOPLTJAATD-

SDMOPLTJAATD: ...

Lupin: ...

SDMOPLTJAATD: -moon suddenly appears in the mirror-

Lupin: EEEEK! -suddenly transforms and runs off the side of Minas Tirith-

SDMOPLTJAATD: -dissapears-

_Deep Voice: -blink- Riight...okay...now, another test! Who is left?_

-_Ron, Dumbledore, and Seamus are left_-

Ron: I'm ready for whatever you throw at me! -nod-

-_awkward silence-_

-_Wrench comes out of nowhere and whacks Ron upside the head-_

Ron: -dies-

Dumbledore: -points and laughs-

Seamus: I guess he wasn't ready...

_Deep Voice: I'm sorry, we were having technical difficulties...was anyone hurt?_

Seamus: No one important.

_Deep Voice: Ahh...alright then. It is now time for the final challenge. You both must survive the...TRIAL OF NO RETURN!_

-field of flowers appears in the middle of the floor-

Dumbledore & Seamus: -shiver-

_Deep Voice: Now...SKIP THROUGH THE FIELD OF FLOWERS!_

Dumbledore & Seamus: -skips through the field of flowers-

_Deep Voice: Ah...very good. You two are worthy enough to join, it seems._

Dumbledore: I-it was hor-horrible...-twitch-

Seamus: SO MANY FLOWERS! IT BURNS! -twitch-

-Cast of LOTR appears-

Gandalf: It seems you two passed the tests!

Dumbledore & Seamus: -nod nod-

Legolas: -flips hair- You may now worship my hair to your hearts content!

Dumbledore & Seamus: -worship-

-_Just then...SEL appears!-_

Legolas: -scream-

Draco: Surrender, LWH! You are no match for SEL!

Gimli: -scoff-

Seamus: What does SEL stand for...?

Buckbeak: Secret Evil Lair!

Everyone: Uhh...

A-D-Frodo: -points- See? Our lair is portable!

A-D-Sam: -nodnod- And it has leather seating!

Stupid Orc #1: -smilenod-

Stupid Orc #2: -smilenod-

Everyone: -claps politely-

Buckbeak: Now...back to business...

Draco: SURRENDER LEGOLAS' HAIR! YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR US!

SEL: -evil laugh-

Pippin: NO! WHAT-

Merry: -CAN WE DO!

LHW: -cowers-

-_random shiny object flies through the air and hits the back of Draco's head-_

Draco: Wha- what was that!

Seamus: -gasp- Wait- look there!

: Surrender, SEL! -strikes pose-

Buckbeak: -growl- You! Who are you!

: I AM SAILOR POTTER!

Sailor Potter: -strikes pose-

Everyone: -gasp-

Dumbledore: Why is he wearing a skirt...?

Seamus: It fits him rather well, doesn't it?

Sailor Potter: I STAND UP FOR LOVE AND JUSTICE! ON BEHALF OF LWH...-strikes pose- I WILL PUNISH YOU!

Draco: ORCS! KILL HIM!

Stupid Orc #1 & #2: -attempts to kill Sailor Potter-

Sailor Potter: SPIRAL SCAR ATTACK! (_that was horrible, wasn't it?)_

Stupid Orc #1 & #2: -dies-

Draco: -growl- BUCKBEAK! GET HIM!

Buckbeak: -attacks-

Sailor Potter: -gasp- NO! I'm losing! WHAT CAN I DO!

-random rose comes out of nowhere and stops Buckbeak's attack-

Buckbeak: -gasp- Wha- WHO'S THERE!

: Never fear, Sailor Potter! TUXEDO MASK IS HERE!

Tuxedo Mask: -strikes pose-

Buckbeak: Funny...he kinda looks like that Weasley kid...

-awkward silence-

Buckbeak: Oh well. -attacks-

Tuxedo Mask: -kills Buckbeak-

Draco: NO! -grr-

Sailor Potter: GIVE UP, DRACO! -nodnod-

Draco: You just wait...I WILL BE BACK! -dissappears-

Seamus: THANK YOU SAILOR POTTER! -blink- -looks around-

Gandalf: Why, both of them are gone!

LWH: -looks at A-D-Frodo & Sam-

A-D-Frodo: Uhh...we'll be going now... -dissappears-

A-D-Sam: -nodnod- -dissappears-

Gandalf: Welcome to the LWH society, boys. Hopefully we've seen the last of SEL.

Seamus: -sigh- But I DO wish to see Sailor Potter again...

Pippin: Yes, he was-

Merry: -rather dashing!

Aragorn: I'M PRETTY!

Everyone: Uhh...

Aragorn: I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING UNTIL NOW! I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING NOW THAT THIS CHAPTER IS OVER!

Everyone: -kills Aragorn-

Legolas: Never did like him. HE WANTED MY HAIR! -runs off-

Everyone: -sigh-

_Sooo...yeah! That was Chapter Eight! Hope you liked it! It was probably the most random thing ever...well, hopefully it was. Please review!_


	9. Chapter 9

The Ninth Chapter! On Ebay - 19.99 With Free Shipping and Eeking Included!

Setting: Hogwarts Library

(Cast of HP & FFX are here)

Ron: Oh my! What is _this_? -points to random bookshelf-

Hermoine: Uhh...yeah, Ron, that's a bookshelf. For books. And an education. Get one.

Tidus: Hey now, buddy, I think that was a burn. Are you gonna take that?

Ron: -sobs hysterically-

Yuna: Eek! -horrified gasp-

Auron: ...psh.

Tidus: Aww, Yuna just 'eeked'!

Cast of HP: AWW!

Yuna: _Eek!_

Auron: ...psh.

Tidus: Auron...you need...a life. Either that or you need a girl. -shoves Yuna toward him- Here, have Yuna. She's 19.99 with free shipping!

Yuna: WHAT THE H---!

Dumbledore: -runs in- Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Yuna: -rolls eyes-

Dumbledore: -tries to run back out but trips on random book- _F---!_

Ron: Eek!

Tidus: -attacks Ron- ONLY YUNA CAN EEK!

Dumbledore: -grumble- -picks up book-

-_Awkward Silence_-

Dumbledore: -holds up book-

Hermoine: Ohmy!

Harry: Interesting. Very interesting.

Ron: Eek!

Dumbledore: This book is called..._Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_!

-highly suspenseful dramatic music-

Ron: Let's read it!

Hermoine: -makes a face- I think not! It could be dangerous!

Dumbledore: WHAT THE F---! -has read ending-

Harry: -blink- Ooh, is this book about me! -runs over-

Book: -attacks and eats Harry-

Everyone: ...

Yuna: Eek!

Book: -flies out of window-

Ron: Look! A flying book! -points excitedly-

Random Librarian: EXCUSE ME! THIS IS A LIBRARY! -screams-

Tidus: -blink- -whispers- She's scary...

Random Librarian: WHISPER! -screams-

Dumbledore: -sobs hysterically and runs out-

Yuna: -sniff- Scary lady...

Random Librarian: -glares- -takes out bazooka- -shoots Yuna-

Tidus: SH--! NO! She was priceless!

Ron: -collects Yuna-slime- Yeah, she was 19.99 with free shipping.

Auron: -shakes head in dismay-

Hermoine: OOH! I KNOW! LET'S SELL THE YUNA-SLIME ON EBAY!

-random computer appears-

Ron: -goes on Ebay and auctions Yuna-slime-

Random Librarian: -turns into bat and flies out of broken window-

Ron: Only a million dollars! Psh. We can do better than that. -looks determined-

Tidus: DON'T AUCTION OFF YUNA! -sobs-

Hermoine: -rolls eyes- What a baby.

Ron: A million dollars and a lemon drop... -thinks- YEP.

Dumbledore: -rushes in and takes Yuna-Slime- MY COLLECTION IS ALMOST COMPLETE. -shifty eyes- I LOVE EBAY. -runs out-

Everyone: ...What...?

Ron: Well. That was disturbing.

Tidus: -sobs-

Random Libarian: SHUT UP! THIS IS A LIBRARY! -screams-

Hermoine: -sits to read book- And there we are.

-book eats Hermoine-


	10. Chapter 10

The Tenth Chapter...with a plot? Never.

Setting: Hogwarts (Random Girls Restroom)

(Cast of HP here.)

Harry: -sigh- Tell me again why we're in here?

Hermoine: _Because_, Harry - my god are you dense - we need to create a polyjuice potion!

Ron: ...why?

Hermoine: Uhm...it's in the script. -points-

Ron: Ohhh...I knew that.

Harry: No you didn't...

Ron: Well you didn't either...SHUT UP. -smacks-

Hermoine: -sighs- Alright, you two, I've created the potion...

Harry: That fast?!

Ron: Duh...STUPID. -smacks again-

Hermoine: Alright everyone, now's the time...

Everyone: -drinks the potion-

Harry: How strange...

Hermoine: Very strange..

Ron: Hm...

-Dumbledore, Snape, and other HP kids run in-

Snape: What the f---is going on??

Dumbledore: Everyone, listen closely. Cursing is bad. Very bad. You are NOT to say any naughty words in Hogwarts, or anywhere else, for that matter. Do I make myself clear?

Ron: I feel strangely...musical..?

Hermoine: I feel strangely...troubled?

Harry: I feel strangely...angry?

-random burst of light-

Dumbledore: WHATTHEF---ISGOINGON?!?!?!?!

Ron: Well this car is systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic...Why, it could be Greased Lightnin'!

Harry: -pulls out gun- -darts around- I'M ABOUT TO OPEN SOME F------- WINDOWS!!!!! -shoots everywhere-

Hermoine: Hmm... -randomnly shaves head-

Dumbledore: ...

Ron: -runs over to Snape- You better shape up, cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you...!!!!

Snape: -sniff- Thank you!!

Dumbledore: SEVERUS?!

Snape: ...MY MOM DIDN'T LOVE ME, OKAY?? -runs out sobbing-

Dumbledore: ...

-Tom Cruise randomnly appears-

Tom Cruise: It seems as though each of the three have messed up the polyjuice potions...they've turned into other people - but on the INSIDE, not the outside!!!

Dumbldore: -gasp- ...Oh, look a lemon drop. -wanders off-

Hermoine: I think I'll go to therapy.

Ron: But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you...

Hermoine: Maybe I won't.

Draco: -runs in- OHMYGODTOMCRUISE -glomps-

Tom: GETOFFME!!

Draco: -sniff-

Hermoine: I think I'll go to therapy.

Draco: But, but, I thought you loved me?!?!

Tom: No, I'm a Scientologist. Duh.

Dumbledore: -runs in- -whisper- That means they're incapable of loving blondes. -runsout-

Draco: How rude. AND WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS TOM?!?! -leaves-

Hermoine: Maybe I won't.

Ron: Summer lovin' had me a blast, summer lovin' happened so fast...

Harry: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!

Everyone: -turns to look-

Harry: I'M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERF----- SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERF----- PLANE!!! -shoots up everyone-

Hermoine: So maybe I won't go to therapy. -dies-

Ron: Stranded at the drive in, branded a fool, what will they say Monday at school? -dies-

Harry: HELLSYEAH -dies-

Tom: -dies-

Dumbledore: -comes back in- Wha...oh sh--. -looks around- Could I get fired for this...?

Tom: -comes back to life- Yes, yes you could. -shoots Dumbledore- -looks around- -wanders off-

Draco: -comes back in- OHMYGOD...a lemon drop. -snatches- -runs off-

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Lemon drops are much cooler than dead bodies._


End file.
